BTW, it’s extremely helpful if both spouses do the exercises together.  By doing the exercise together and comparing results you will see any potential conflicts.  For example, if “togetherness” is number one on your list and your spouse says that number one is “education”, you will probably have to do some negotiating.  BUT at least you’ll know where you stand.

Why is this important?

Simply put, your values are what’s important to you.  They control what you do and the way you act – even if you haven’t consciously thought about them.  So often we go through our daily routines completely unaware of the values that are shaping our behavior.  By getting them down on paper and ranking them you have a map of what makes you tick in this area of life.

Once you see the framework that you are acting from you can take satisfaction from knowing that you being consistent to your values OR you may find that the values you are enacting are not working for you and you are free to change them.

Hint: This value ranking technique is very helpful in all areas of life including health, career, personal development, and spiritual development.

Go here for a shortcut for dealing with day-to-day stress.

One challenge is that if you have a job these days, your employer is probably demanding more and more time from you, leaving you with less time for your family.  The kids want to see more of you and you’re simply not available to them.

Conversely, if you don’t have a job, then you may well be spending more time with the family than you ever thought you would.  If you’re not prepared to do it, you may well feel overwhelmed.

There are as many family challenges as there are families.  The economy has exacerbated some already keen problems. Money problems, health problems, and relationship problems seem to compound in a weak economy.

The first thing to do is to get absolutely clear on what’s important to you.  In other words, what are your values?  Here’s a good exercise for figuring this out:

1. Ask yourself aloud, “What’s important to me about my family?”
2. Answer aloud and write down whatever comes out of your mouth.
3. Repeat this over and over again until the “well runs dry.”
4. When the well runs dry, go back and do the steps 1 to 3 again until the well runs dry again.
5. Then do steps 1 to 3 a third time.

Each time the well runs dry, you’re going a bit deeper into your unconscious mind.

Now look at your list and prioritize it.  Voila.  You have your family values.

See my next post for what to do with your family values.

Feeling stressed?  Have a look here for ways to cope.

Okay, so let’s say for argument’s sake that you did list out everything and that you have a pretty good idea of your cash flow picture.  How much goes to paying for essentials like food, water, clothing, utilities, prescriptions, rent/mortgage? How much of your cash flow is devoted to paying back consumer debt? How much goes to on-going service contracts like cell phones, water purification, pest extermination, gardener, pool maintenance, internet connection, cable television, subscriptions to magazines and online services (like games and portals), etc.?  How much goes to “shopping”?  How much goes to entertainment?

Now here comes the challenging part: prioritize your spending.  I’m thinking that for most of you essentials will be number one.  Be specific.  Be detailed.  Rank the costs for gardener and the pool guy separately.  For bundled things (e.g. cable and internet) rank them separately.

For example, how important to you is internet access from your phone?  I know that you get great deals from the phone companies if you take family plans.  Just remember that the phone companies and the cable companies are not particularly interested if you can pay your other bills.  They only want to know if you can pay theirs.  I’m asking that you do it consciously.  Does that make sense?

Look at everything!  Prioritize every expense.  Sadly, your consumer debt must be a high priority item.  Make this list a priority NOW.  The sooner you do, the sooner you’ll be able to make necessary changes.

In the next post, I’ll talk about some goals.

This is perfectly understandable.  After all, most of us were raised with a mental picture of “lack” or “want” or “there’s not enough to go around”.  This mental concept is so ingrained in us that it even comes to define us.  And, as a result of this kind of indoctrination, we find ourselves living from paycheck to paycheck.  We believe that the wolf is just outside the door.  And we fall prey to Parkinson’s Second Law, which states, “Spending rises with income and tends to exceed it.” After all, how many times have you bought something simply because you had the money for it in the moment?  This is the perfect example of an “impulse purchase.”

In order to achieve a sound financial life (to achieve your life as you want it), we have to become fully conscious of our relationship with money.  This is a multi-step process.  We begin by having a look at our current financial status.  Make an honest assessment of where we are in the full light of day!  Open our kimonos and expose our financial selves, warts and all.  Yes, this can be scary.

There are the obvious things: income and expenses.  What are all the sources of income that we actually count on every month?  Salary, tips, bonuses, whatever.  And where are all the places it runs off to? All your bills; all your credit cards; all the out-of-pocket expenses.  Catch yourself as you hand money over to your kids or to your spouse.  Record the amounts you spend day to day, week to week over a month.  You’ll be surprised.  “Inconsequential” things like coffee, cigarettes, newspapers all add up to big bucks over the course of a month.

If you do this simple exercise honestly and humbly, I promise that you’ll be rewarded with a whole new appreciation for the role that money plays in your life.

In my next post, I’ll be writing about the “dark side” of finances.  Hint: your behavior.