Your Life As You Want It » Family

Family Life and the Single Parent

allan — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 02:32:06 +0000

Becoming a parent is a powerful and joyful experience, and it is a lot of responsibility as well. It’s hard work to raise even only one child, much less a family. And for all the effort it takes for two devoted adults to help their kids to grow, how much tougher is it for a single parent? Probably the biggest challenge in being a single parent is the conflict between needing to earn a decent living to support your kids and to spend meaningful time with them in the ways they deserve. I have great admiration for single parents. As a single parent you have to play the combined roles of father and mother.

The first and the most important thing is that the parent take responsibility for his or her duty to making a solid family life for the children. This means acknowledging the reality of the situation squarely. If this is a new situation, the children are usually emotional, hurt, and disturbed about whatever has happened that has resulted in this type of situation. They often blame themselves for the situation. Whether it is due to death or divorce, the single parent needs to take into account the effects of such trauma on the kids. Early on, it may be tough for the single parents to acknowledge, but they have to understand that their children harbor emotions that need to be dealt with.

A single parent can always help the kids grow into successful human beings by understanding their needs. Kids will demand more time than you may have or want to give, and they may well be a bit less understanding about the conflicts that you yourself are facing. Even so, you can make them feel loved and protected.

For a robust and healthy family life, you need to

Make time for your children. You can arrange picnics and outdoor activities with your kids so that you can have fun together. This kind of fun will strengthen your family ties.
Talk to them about their problems. If they are under the stress of the situation they will like to talk to you about it. Make them trust you. Once you develop this type of relationship with them you will be able to win their trust and overall you will be able to create a strong family unit for your children.

Deal with your stress or theirs. Click here to find out how.

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Family Values In Practice

allan — Sun, 13 Sep 2009 19:36:29 +0000

In my previous post I offered an exercise — sorry, you have do the exercises if you want to get in shape — which elicited from you the values you currently hold about your family. By ranking those values, you should have a conscious sense (perhaps for the first time) of what’s at stake as you interact as a family.

BTW, it’s extremely helpful if both spouses do the exercises together. By doing the exercise together and comparing results you will see any potential conflicts. For example, if “togetherness” is number one on your list and your spouse says that number one is “education”, you will probably have to do some negotiating. BUT at least you’ll know where you stand.

Why is this important?

Simply put, your values are what’s important to you. They control what you do and the way you act – even if you haven’t consciously thought about them. So often we go through our daily routines completely unaware of the values that are shaping our behavior. By getting them down on paper and ranking them you have a map of what makes you tick in this area of life.

Once you see the framework that you are acting from you can take satisfaction from knowing that you being consistent to your values OR you may find that the values you are enacting are not working for you and you are free to change them.

Hint: This value ranking technique is very helpful in all areas of life including health, career, personal development, and spiritual development.

Go here for a shortcut for dealing with day-to-day stress.

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Family Life As You Want It

allan — Sat, 12 Sep 2009 19:05:41 +0000

In the present economic climate there are many challenges to family life.

One challenge is that if you have a job these days, your employer is probably demanding more and more time from you, leaving you with less time for your family. The kids want to see more of you and you’re simply not available to them.

Conversely, if you don’t have a job, then you may well be spending more time with the family than you ever thought you would. If you’re not prepared to do it, you may well feel overwhelmed.

There are as many family challenges as there are families. The economy has exacerbated some already keen problems. Money problems, health problems, and relationship problems seem to compound in a weak economy.

The first thing to do is to get absolutely clear on what’s important to you. In other words, what are your values? Here’s a good exercise for figuring this out:

Ask yourself aloud, “What’s important to me about my family?”
Answer aloud and write down whatever comes out of your mouth.
Repeat this over and over again until the “well runs dry.”
When the well runs dry, go back and do the steps 1 to 3 again until the well runs dry again.
Then do steps 1 to 3 a third time.

Each time the well runs dry, you’re going a bit deeper into your unconscious mind.

Now look at your list and prioritize it. Voila. You have your family values.

See my next post for what to do with your family values.

Feeling stressed? Have a look here for ways to cope.

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